


PogChat

by neondiscs



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Dream Team - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, But also, CRACK SHIT, Group chat, Wholesome, friendships, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:20:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26695159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neondiscs/pseuds/neondiscs
Summary: Bullshittery in a group chat for the DreamSMP apartment building.Mostly crack, with a hint of plot...
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 370





	1. Community relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little crack book I’ll write in when I’m bored

** PogChat **

Geppy: hey @Dweam @Goggles @SatNav there’s some serious noise coming from your apartment, u good?

SatNav: George isn’t 

SatNav: he was trying to reach something on the high shelf and he fell

SatNav: Dream is in hysterics 

Thomathy: motherinnit wants you to be quieter 

Wiblur: we can hear Dream laughing across the hall

MuffinBoi: is George hurt?

SatNav: eh

Goggles: yes. yes I am hurt

SatNav: @Thomathy please inform your mother that we’re sorry not sorry

Thomathy: how childish

MuffinBoi: Tommy, you have no place calling anyone childish 

Thomathy: alright mum whatever 

BIGLAW: he’s right. Last time you spoke to me you said I had cooties

BIGLAW: I don’t even know what cooties are!

SatNav: it’s a girl thing

Niha: it is not!

Wiblur: you are on very thin ice with Niki, Sapnap 

SatNav: I am on thin ice with everyone and that is how I shall keep it

Dweam: it’s true 

Goggles: can we ban this guy?

Dweam: :(

SatNav: :/

Wiblur: :)

BIGLAW: :&

Dweam: you can’t ban me, I’ll leave!

Goggles: you can’t leave, I’m banning you!

BIGLAW: flerting 

Thomathy: not everything is flerting, Tubbo 

BIGLAW: I like to imagine that it is

Geppy: what??

BIGLAW: JUST LET ME DREAM

Dweam: let you what?

Thomathy: Oh we’ve got a wise guy!

Dweam: thank you, I am very wise

SatNav: uh huh

Thomathy: okay Satellite Navigator

Goggles: Dream’s wheezing again

Wiblur: we should have a jar that we put a dollar in every time he wheezes

SatNav: we’d be rich

Wiblur: exactly

Wilbur: id use the money to move out of this fucking building

Geppy: we all have a happy, healthy community relationship 

Dweam: no

Wiblur: no

Goggles: no

SatNav: no

Thomathy: no

MuffinBoi: :(

BIGLAW: they’re... not wrong 

Geppy: :(


	2. Technobitch whitelisted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For context they all live in the same smallish apartment building and the group chat was originally created for practical reasons...

Dweam added BigPig

Dweam: Technobitch whitelisted

BigPig: love u 2

Thomathy: TECHNOOOOOOO

BigPig: hello

BIGLAW: heyyy technoooo :)

Wiblur: hello

Erettt: howdy

Furry: hi there 

Niha: hiya!!

SatNav: hi

Goggles: who’s techno

Thomathy: get out

Thomathy: leave

Thomathy: ban thyself

Goggles: am I supposed to know this??

BigPig: I live in the apartment above Wilbur and whoever his roommate is

Wiblur: I’m ashamed gogy

Goggles: stop calling me that

Dweam: gogy

SatNav: Dre

Wiblur: Dre

Thomathy: Dre

Erettt: Drê

Dweam changed their nickname to Dre

Dre: happy?

Goggles: no

Dre: good :)

BigPig: I already hate it here

BigPig: I’m just trying to eat my mac and cheese and my phones getting blown up

BIGLAW: oh yeah there’s a mute function y’know

Furry: now we have @BIGLAW and @BigPig

BigPig: there was no need to @ me I’m already here

BigPig changed their nickname to BloodGod

BloodGod: that’s better

Wiblur: blood for the blood god

Thomathy: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

SatNav: wilbur is the older brother who has to drag his little brother (Tommy) around the supermarket while their mom (Phil) shops

BloodGod: is Phil in this gc?

Dre: don’t think so

BloodGod: but he also lives here

Wiblur: you weren’t added until just now

Dre: someone give me phils number so I can add him

Thomathy: or you could give someone else admin??

Dre: NO. NEVER.

Thomathy: fine 

BloodGod: wait it’s fine I have admin

Dre: how??

BloodGod: you didn’t turn it off when you added me ig

BloodGod added Dadza

Dre removed admin privileges from BloodGod 

Dre removed admin privileges from Dadza

Dadza: well okay then

BIGLAW: Phil!!!

Dadza: are ya winning, son?

BIGLAW: no they bully me

Thomathy: haha fuck you Tubbo

BIGLAW: :(

BIGLAW: see what I mean?

Dadza: Tommy say sorry 

Thomathy: fine, unfuck you or whatever 

Wiblur: hi dad

BloodGod: greetings parental figure

Dadza: Ah the moody teens

Furry: wait are you my grandad

Dadza: what

Wiblur: Fundy is my son

Dadza: oh

Dadza: what

Dadza: I guess??

Goggles: what is even happening 

Erettt: no idea

Dre: this was a mistake

Niha: I agree

Wiblur: :(

Geppy: we just came back from the store what’s going on

Erettt: I don’t knowwww

Furry: I have a family now

Furry: I think Tommy is my uncle 

Thomathy: gross 

Furry: I know

MuffinBoi: oh my gosh


	3. Not-so-Sleepy Bois

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT THE SLEEPY BOIS INC. LIVING IN SEPARATE APARTMENTS. THEY ABSOLUTELY ALL LIVE IN THE SAME APARTMENT. JUST PRETEND, OKAY??!!

Sleepy Bois LTD.

Tubbro: hello :)

Phather: tubbo

Phather: it’s 2am

Phather: go to bed

Tubbro: I am in bed

Tubbro: I’m just not asleep

Technobro: I was

Technobro: now I’m not

Wilbro: yea techno _really_ needs his beauty sleep

Technobro: hey now

Phather: y’all need to go to sleep seriously 

Tubbro: sorry

Tubbro: I just got scared

Wilbro: aww Tubbo

Wilbro: what did you get scared of

Tubbro: Tommy keeps hitting the wall between my room and his 

Tubbro: I think he’s doing it to scare me

Technobro: how can you be sure it’s Tommy

Technobro: it’s probably a ghost

Phather: not helping techno 

Technobro: well if we’re gonna exorcise a demon I think we should prepare him

Phather: we’re not exorcising anything

Technobro: so you’re just going to leave the demon in there??

Technobro: I don’t want a demon in my apartment. They’d be such a pain.

Wilbro: I mean

Wilbro: we’ve lived with Tommy for this long

Wilbro: ever since

Wilbro: y’know 

Phather: yeah

Tubbro: he’s stopped hitting the wall now

Tubbro: I’m gonna go see if he’s alright

Wilbro: oh shit he’s been reading all these messages hasn’t he

Technobro: yup

ProblemChild: it’s fine

ProblemChild: it was ages ago

ProblemChild: I’m over it

———

Tommy: I’m not

Tubbo: I know 

Tubbo: I’m bringing sweets btw

———

Tubbro: yeah he’s fine

Phather: sure?

Tubbro: yea we’re chillin

Phather: k

Phather: don’t stay up too late

Tubbro: ye

ProblemChild: yes dad

Technobro: well now I’m never getting back to sleep

Technobro: I’m gonna go play skywars

Phather: ...

Phather: I guess I can’t stop you...

Wiblur: fuck that I’m going back to bed

Wiblur: wake me up when the world ends

Wiblur: or someone makes pancakes

Phather: goodnight edgelord 

Phather: goodnight tryhard 

Phather: goodnight golden child

Phather: goodnight bitch boi

Wiblur: night Phil

Technobro: night

Tubbro: night night :)

ProblemChild: yeah what they said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst?? And plot??? In MY chatfic/crackfic?? It’s more likely than you think...


	4. And they were roommates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT THAT FESTIVAL HUH  
> UM. IM GONNA GO FEEL EMOTIONS NOW

SatNav: yo

SatNav: anyone

Wiblur: what’s up?

SatNav: anyone else?

Wiblur: what fucking vendetta do you have against me

SatNav: “We don’t like Sapnap. He’s just not very appealing.”

SatNav: and don’t worry. It’s not just you

Erettt: what’s up Sappitus Nappitus

SatNav: I’m stuck

Furry: *we’re

SatNav: I’m stuck in an elevator with Fundy of all people

Furry: hey

Erettt: oh good luck

Furry: HEY

Furry: COME GET US OUT RIGHT NOW

Erettt: I have no reason to

SatNav: you have no reason not to

Erettt: 1. I don’t like you Sapnap

Erettt: 2. I have the apartment to myself since Niki’s out and Fundy’s stuck

Furry: I have the groceries 

Furry: the milk is gonna expire

Furry: I need the rest of my money for rent so I’m not getting more

Furry: unless YOU wanna buy groceries this month??

Erettt: omw 

SatNav: oh yay

Dre: oh my god

Dre: you’re stuck in the elevator 

SatNav: yeah

Goggles: just press the bell thingy?

SatNav: you’re so naïve if you think those actually do anything 

Dre: naïve is George’s middle name

Goggles: not true

Erettt: oh my god

Erettt: guys get down here this is hilarious 

SatNav: it’s not

Furry: it really isn’t 

Goggles: wait I’m at work rn

Erettt: they’re stuck in-between the first and second floors

Erettt: the doors are jammed open

Erettt: I’ll send a pic

Dre: oh my god

SatNav: stop laughing

Erettt: [blackmail.png]

Furry: I thought we were friends

Erettt: we’re roommates at best

SatNav: and they were roommates 

Dre: oh my god they were roommates 

Furry: Eret I thought we had something

Erettt: ...

Furry: say it

Furry: you know you want to

Erettt: IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE

Furry: :O

Goggles: :0

Dre: :O

SatNav: :o

Thomathy: HA

Thomathy: YOU GUYS ARE STUCK IN A LIFT?!?!

SatNav: what the fuck is a lift

Thomathy: elevator 

Thomathy: excuse my British 

Erettt: oh my gosh Tommy get over here this is so funny

Dre: it is 

SatNav: please don’t bring Tommy

SatNav: he’s worse than Wilbur

Wiblur: well thank god for that

Thomathy: I wasn’t going to come because I’m lazy

Thomathy: but now I am

SatNav: why

Thomathy: spite mostly

Furry: great

Furry: look what you did

SatNav: Fundy is sitting in the opposite corner of the elevator and is refusing to talk to or look at me

Dre: time out corner for sap 

SatNav: if anyone’s in a time out corner it’s Fundy

Furry: fuck you

Erettt: okay I got the building managers 

Erettt: they’re gonna let you out but they’re requesting to be added to the gc for ‘practical reasons’

Dre: on it

Erettt: everyone behave

Dre added Schlatt

Dre added BigQ 

Dre: a warm welcome to the building managers

Schlatt: thank you

BigQ: it’s our pleasure

Schlatt: so we hear that you’re stuck in our elevator

Furry: yep

SatNav: unfortunately 

Schlatt: yeah

Schlatt: that’s gonna be a fine

Furry: what?

SatNav: how does that work??

BigQ: if you want out of the lift, you’re gonna have to pay a fine 

SatNav: that’s so dumb

Schlatt: or we could leave you to die

Furry: die?!?!

Schlatt: give your apartments to other people 

Dweam: we still live in them tho

Goggles: yeah

Erettt: yea

BigQ: oh that’s fine

BigQ: have you heard of eviction?

Erettt: WHAT

Goggles: EXCUSE ME

Dweam: what did we do??

Schlatt: well you probably won’t be able to keep up with rent when we bump the prices up

Furry: you can’t up the rent without a reason though

Schlatt: our reason is that you’re down a roommate

Schlatt: and if you’re down a roommate, we’re down money

Schlatt: so we up the prices

BigQ: seems fair to me

SatNav: no it’s not???

Furry: yeah we could sue you for health code violations 

Schlatt: okay let’s not get the law involved here

SatNav: oh we’re getting the law involved buddy

Furry: hope you’ve got a good lawyer

Schlatt: I am my own lawyer

BigQ: yeah what he said

Niha: what the heck is going on??

Erettt: Sapnap and Fundy are stuck in a lift

Erettt: Tommy is live-streaming it on Instagram

Furry: TOMMY

Erettt: he can’t text rn cause he’s streaming 

Erettt: but he says “haha bitch”

Niha: are you guys alright?

Furry: no

SatNav: no

Furry: I’m gonna need therapy after this

SatNav: you’re telling me

Dre: hey Niki come watch with us

Dre: they’re like caged animals

Schlatt: okay if you guys want to take this to court I’d be happy to

Schlatt: but you’re going to need a way out of that elevator 

BigQ: good luck 

Schlatt left

BigQ left

Erettt: well shit

Furry: so we’re just stuck here now?

Erettt: hang on I’ll get the groundskeeper

SatNav: the janitor??

Erettt: yeah sure whatever 

SatNav: damn British people

Goggles: hey

SatNav: George you’re decent

SatNav: don’t even get me started on Tommy and Wilbur tho

Dre: so annoying 

Wiblur: Dream :’(

Dre: what we had is dead

Wiblur: :’O

BIGLAW: well isn’t this a sad day for everyone

Thomathy: not me

Thomathy: I am very amused currently

SatNav: well now that has to change

Erettt: the JANITOR is on his way with a ladder

Furry: good

SatNav: I need a drink


End file.
